Anniversary

An anniversary is a time for reflection, a sad time, a happy time. Most of all, an emotional time. So an anniversary is inherently complex. A teary, smiling, thought provoking jumble.

Anniversaries can be of an event big or small, from celebrating the date of moving into a house to celebrating the end of a war. I want to believe that the most significant anniversaries are of a personal nature, the milestones of one’s own life.

In literature anniversary celebrations frequently commence with good intentions then very often problems percolate to the surface. Personal problems, rivalries, jealousies, hurts and injustices from a bygone era are recalled. Just as often in literature or films these issues are resolved by the end and a greater love ensues. Anniversaries can clear the air.

This occurs because at anniversaries emotions bubble out. It is a time of vulnerability, hope, sentimentality. Celebrants want the anniversary to be a good time, to match and perhaps enhance the good times of previous years. The anniversary itself becomes the subject of a future anniversary.

But reflection can be dangerous. There are two dangers. Many anniversaries focus on happy events like getting married. But an anniversary is a contrast between then and now. Therein lies the first danger. People inevitably change. The memory of what was and what is now can be hurtful. Remember the days when we surfed all day, remember how I looked when I first wore that blue dress, remember when we went horse riding, remember when the kids were young and they used to… Then and now can arouse sadness, a feeling of loss, an awareness of time running short.

The other danger of an anniversary is the arousal of negative memories. Sometimes these take the shape of recalling hurts and injustices. Other times these thoughts take the shape of ‘if only’ accompanied by a deep sigh. If only we had bought this, if only she hadn’t died, if only he was more considerate.

These dangers are, of course, outweighed by feelings of great devotion, feelings of appreciation, for a personal anniversary is a time when people stop and think what life would have been if close ones had not been there. Anniversaries are a time- to think of what those close ones -had made possible,- had contributed, -had simply given of themselves- and asked for little in return.- These anniversaries are a time- when the existence of loved ones- and their companionship is blessed.