Victims of the App

Apps increasingly infect the modern world. I have an ingrained dislike of an App. The world is App Happy.

The app is a frightful example of modern technotalk. Why not use another word? Instead of using the word 'Application,' which leads to the alienating phrase, 'Download the App.' We could use the word ‘connection’ and say, ‘Come and visit Connie,’ or use the word ‘Placements’ and say, ‘Visit my place.’  Come to my place sounds more welcoming than Download the App.

We have lost spontaneity, afflicted by the need for an app Apps are in plague proportions. They are contagious. Every time we want to do something, we need an app.  We need an app for shopping, an app for news, an app for weather updates, a navigation app, a parking spot finder, medical information, and an app for registering for anything. Cars have an app. You can press buttons on your phone to make a car heat up and get ready for you. Same with the house. Heaters can be turned on in the house before you get home. Your washing machine has an App. I need an app to feed my dog and another app to determine what to feed it. There are apps to help you find a partner, plus an app to judge if your potential partner is any good. You even need an app to hold your app passwords.

We have apps to guide our cooking. There’s even an app to help us boil an egg. Without the guidance of an app, we will be lost, shattered. Apps have become our spine.

Schools delight in asking me to download a new app. There’s already Qparents and Daymap. How many more Apps do they need to fill in a simple form? I refuse. My son brings me forms (made of paper) from the school office to fill out.

Apps worry me. I regularly take to the woods to avoid an app. Even then, I feel them lurking up behind me, ready to pounce.

Our identity is in the app. My children are in the apps. School, the doctors, Speech and Drama, Swimming, tennis—they are in there. Can they ever get out? Can my children ever be free? What we desperately need is an app to control the apps before they take over.

The arms and legs, as well as the eyes and ears, used to be the most essential parts of the body. Now, the most critical part of the human body is the fingertip. I fear the apps will ultimately unite to form a hostile coalition. The first point of attack will be the fingertip. We must learn to groom the fingertip, to fortify it against any attack from the United Alliance of the Apps.

 This fear of Apps is justified; we must now all consider ourselves as ‘Victims of the App.’