The Famous Ghost of Charter Hall

Here's an item I wrote recently.

Cody sat in the dark hallway, perfectly still, listening, observing the open door through which the moonlight flooded. Was his life in danger? A cold chill ran down his spine. '

Was somebody pouring soft drink down his shirt collar? Cody swirled around. A mighty shadow loomed over him. The shadow raised his arm threateningly. In his hand a can of Coke.

‘What are you doing here, you goose?’ whispered Cody. He was angry, but relieved as it was only his schoolmate, Brewster.

‘Same as you. Getting away from Old Mother Wilkinson. The old bat is seeking blood. Someone stole one of her chocolate cakes. Was it you?’

‘Er… want a piece?’ Cody revealed the pilfered cake.

Suddenly a loud bang echoed from the bowels of the boarding school.

‘Look out, it’s Old Mother Wilkinson! Hide the cake.’

‘Where?’

‘Shove it in the back of the radiator.’

‘What happens if someone turns it on?’

‘Toasted chocolate cake.’

‘Oooow, Oooow.’

‘What’s that?’

The wail issued from the moonlight beyond the open door.

‘Oooow, oooow.’

The two boys shivered in their shorts. In the moonlight on the lawn they could see a misty phantasm with its arms outstretched towards them.

‘It’s the famous ghost of Charter Hall,’ stammered Cody. ‘The servant Maisy Morrison who was cruelly beaten to death for her habit of stealing pies.’

Maisy’s apparition was gliding threateningly towards them. ‘Oooow, oooow.’

‘Aaah,’ yelped Brewster. ‘Let’s get away. Come on.’

Cody clutched his cake, leapt up, and followed Brewster bounding frantically along the corridor.

There was another bang in front of them.

‘That’s Old Mother Wilkinson, on the warpath. Quick into the headmaster’s study. This way.’ Cody opened a side door, the two boys, tripping over each other, vanished in the gloom. Cody made his way to the window to look out for Maisy. He received a mighty shock. Maisy suddenly appeared staring back at him through the window.

‘Aaaah,’ yelped Cody. ‘She’s following us, get out through the back door.’

At that instant they could hear heavy footsteps tramping along the corridor. ‘Old Mother Wilkinson is coming.’

The two boys lunged out of the rear door of the headmaster’s study and found themselves in the library. ‘We’ll hide in here till they go away,’ whispered Cody.

The boys scrambled underneath the librarian’s huge desk. They could hear the tramp of Old Mother Wilkinson’s approaching boots. The two boys clung onto one another.

‘The cake, it’s getting squashed.’

‘Put it on the chair out of sight.’

Cody laid the cake carefully on the chair and pulled the chair into the desk where it would not be seen. Or, that is what they thought. They felt a ferment tingle the air. An incandescent glow illuminated the chair. The boys hugged each other more tightly. All of a sudden the chair began to drift backwards and two vaporous hands reached down to lift the cake away.

The boys didn’t poo themselves but they farted in unison as the spectre of Maisy Morrison came into view.

‘Thank you for the cake, boys,’ she gurgled.

‘But I thought ghosts couldn’t hold anything,’ spluttered Cody.

Maisy grinned. ‘It’s called transcendental phantasm transference. Yum, yum.’

Maisy vanished with the cake.

The door to the library suddenly crashed open and in blustered Old Mother Wilkinson. ‘So it was you,’ she yelled. ‘Give me back my cake.’

Cody heard rapid footfalls departing the library. The boys crept out of the desk and looked out of the window. There in the moonlight gliding at top speed across the lawn was Maisy Morrison clutching her chocolate cake. She was followed by Old Mother Wilkinson brandishing a broom scampering in hot pursuit.

‘Let’s get back to the dormitory,’ said Brewster, relieved.

Cody turned to his pal. ‘Do you fancy pinching another cake?’