A Funny Moment

Section of a panel showing cupids cleaning clothes by an unknown 1st Century artist

Granny McLeish was losing her memory. She was 78 years old. She often found herself confused in the kitchen. Last week, she mistakenly put instant coffee in her lemonade.

This morning, she had received a letter from the tax office advising that an inspector was due to visit to claim her unpaid tax. Granny M had a vast shareholding and, for many years, had overlooked paying tax on the dividends. She tucked the letter in her bureau, taking scant notice of it. She was preoccupied with the dust on the furniture. The maintenance on her large house had become too much. She had to organise help.

The front doorbell rang. ‘Ah, the cleaner,’ she muttered. ‘Not before time.’

She opened the door. ‘Come along,’ she said to a young man in a shirt and tie, carrying a briefcase.

‘You’re a bit late,’ said Granny. ‘You’ll have to start in the cellar.’

The young man raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

‘Down here,’ said Granny as she toddled to the cellar door. Surprisingly sprightly, she descended the steps, followed by the tax inspector and pointed to the pile of dusty bags and boxes. ‘After you clean up that lot, just quickly sweep the floor and then come up and we’ll get on with something else.’

‘But Mrs McLeish, I have to talk about getting paid.’

‘If you want to get paid, you’ll set to and get this finished first,’ said the old Scots lady.

The tax inspector was new at the job and thought it best to comply with this grumpy woman. He needed to impress his boss by getting her to agree to pay the back taxes.

Half an hour later, he emerged from the cellar. Granny was waiting to pounce on him. ‘Now the bathroom,’ she said. ‘Clean that up, and especially the rings in the bathtub.’

‘But I am here to get paid. Are you aware–?’

‘You’ll get paid when you have cleaned the bathroom,’ said Granny. 

The young man wondered if this was a part of the system. He’d never been taught this aspect of tax collecting at college. Groaning, he took the cleaning sponges, the bucket and the mop that Granny offered and trundled up the stairs to the bathroom. Rolling up his sleeves, he started work.

‘I’ll have a cup of tea for you when you are finished,’ said the old lady.

When he finally came down, he said. ‘Now, no more cleaning. I need to sort out the payment.

Granny huffed. She didn’t like pushy tradesmen always talking about payment. ‘I thought $75 might be enough,’ she said.

The tax inspector opened his briefcase and looked at his notes. No, I am here to demand $50,000.

Granny leapt up. ‘You only worked for one hour and you expect to get paid $50,000!

Just at that moment, the front doorbell rang. Granny answered the door to a man standing there.

‘Hello, Mrs McLeish,’ he said. ‘I’ve come to do the cleaning!’